


Am I Invisible Now?

by reddingtoney (pound_of_feathers_and_whiskey)



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Crying, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, It's not important at all, Knives, Lizzie's Past, Love Confessions, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, On a case, On the Run, Oral Sex, Stitches, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vaginal Sex, the fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:03:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6466027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pound_of_feathers_and_whiskey/pseuds/reddingtoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's not a thing that I could say <br/>to stop your blue eyes from fading to grey <br/>so all the blood will rush to my head <br/>and pour out of myself.</p><p>Am I invisible now, <br/>to a friend in a hospital gown?</p><p>aka the one where Red gets hurt and many things are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, thank you so much for reading this! It's my first Blacklist fic and is unbeta'd, so I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Happy reading!

She had warned him, _check behind you_.

 

“Red, make sure you look behind you-”

 

“Lizzie,” he groaned from his place around the corner of the apartments slate-grey walls, “I find it appalling that you react so ferociously to my concerns for your safety, yet continuously scold me as if I’m but a boy.”

 

She rolled her eyes, unseen by him in the dark and separated by cold walls. Ignoring his immature comment, she asked: “Find anything over there yet?” She made her way through the doorway, eyes squinting into the blackness of the wide-open room. She saw Red squatting by the bar, rummaging through the wine rack.

 

“A beautiful 2001 Scarecrow Cabernet Sauvignon, hidden among the Barefoot. It would be simply deplorable not to accept the offer of such a fine wine.” Reddington stated with a cocky smirk.

 

“Offer?” Liz questioned, willing to entertain him for the time being in an attempt to calm her nerves.

 

“Oh yes. Who from? Well that age old question will stand long after this bottle has turned to dust,” he said, holding it delicately from the neck and gesturing with it as he made his way towards her, “but the universe or our heavenly lord or whatever is telling us to enjoy this fine treat.”

 

He looked at her with a strange twinkle in his eyes, eyes ghosting over her own, now close enough she felt the force from his even breaths. His lips quirked into a small smile, and he turned away, returning to his position by the wine to dig for more buried treasure.

 

She laughed at the peculiar man, chuckle cut short by the feel of cold, sharp metal at her throat. She couldn’t help the sound of distress that escaped her lips as it pushed tighter at her jugular. Her hands froze at her sides and her head tilted up, but not enough for her to miss the smile fall from Red’s lips. It was replaced by a flash of panic and fear, quickly covered by something darker; something that scanned the room then held strong to the unknown face of her captor.

 

“What exactly do you believe is your reason for doing this to Mrs. Keens throat, Mr. Jaccobin? Because I can assure you.” He stated, voice slipping into his menacing, no-nonsense tone, “It assuredly does _not_ have the same consequences you expect. If it did, you wouldn’t even begin to think of this course of action.” Red’s crooked, forced smile creased his fierce eyes at the edges, and through her fear Liz admired the emerald of his focus.

 

As she felt her assailant take a long inhale from her exposed neck, pausing to nip at the juncture between her neck and shoulder, she was unable to contain her whimper of distress. In her panic, tears pricked the corners of her eyes, making contact with Reddington’s own as she swayed to avoid Mr. Jaccobin’s disgusting mouth and sharpened blade.

 

She almost had to avert her eyes from the burning fury there, in his dark jade stare.

 

“Drop the blade and step away now, and I’ll have someone do it quick.” He promised, not a stutter in his voice, “Continue with this sick game, and I will deal with you personally." He stepped closer, chewing on his inner cheek as he was forced to observe the quiet tears roll down Lizzie’s face, his own shaking hands wanting nothing but to wipe them off of her face and take her into his arms.

 

She heard her terrorizer gently chuckle, and finally say his first words of the night: "Ah, but Reddington you see I have the upper hand," He punctuated his statement by running his hand over the side of her chest, trailing his finger greedily under her bra strap, slightly chuckling at her frightened sobs as she was forced closer to the knife at her throat. "-and now, you're gonna give Lizzie and I some very private time if you want her to live." He said with a promising growl, using Red's nickname for her as a weapon of sorts.

 

Her shuddering breaths heaved in her chest, frightened eyes locked on Red's own. His face slackened, a look of devastation dissolving away to neutrality. He steeled his gaze, looking at Lizzie with something she could not pinpoint through her fear.

 

"No." Reddington replied, suddenly grabbing the man's wrist and shoving Lizzie to the side. She fell to the floor and quickly stood, ready to help Red escape the struggle, looking just in time to watch the knife put a large slash in the fabric and flesh of Red's upper back. He hissed, stumbling back a bit to quickly cover the blow.

 

Seeing her opportunity, Lizzie fired two clear shots into the man's chest, immediately dropping her weapon and going to Reddington's now rising from. He wore no coat, and she could see blood seeping from in between his fingers clasped to the back of his sliced white shirt. He gritted his teeth before saying:

 

"We need to leave, _now_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So when I wake up in the morning,  
> on top of blankets, fully clothed,  
> I'll tear deaths fingers from my throat,  
> to remind me that I'll never be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, so sorry about any mistakes!
> 
> TW for wound descriptions, blood, stitches, etc.

As Lizzie threw their packs into the back of their stolen truck she heard Red's slightly muffled groan of pain at the stretch of attempting to open his own door. She opened the door for him, ignoring his pointed look.

 

As she buckled him in, she pulled off her sweater to put behind him, hoping to avoid getting blood on the car's upholstery.

 

Her arms grew cold at the chill of the empty street, covered only by a thin white cami. He opened his mouth as if he were going to protest, but winced when he turned his head towards her and fell silent. She gave him a small comforting smile that he returned before slowly looking away.

 

She drove in empty silence, her window half down and blowing cool air through her golden locks. She was covered in goosebumps, yet the cool air felt nice as a result of all the adrenaline in her system. She could hear his ragged breathing, and while the wound had stopped bleeding by this point, she worried for his pain.

 

Pulling up to the safe house garage and parking, she jogged around to his side to help him out of the seatbelt and car. He threw a slight disapproving look her direction, but otherwise made no objections to her help. He waited for her at the door as she collected their bags and closed the garage door.

 

She opened the door and followed him inside, wincing at his sharp inhales.

 

"Lizzie," he asked through gritted teeth, "Could you be a dear and please take the medical kit to my room so that I can clean and stitch this up?" She gave a small chuckle at that, saying "Red there's no way you can reach that, you're going to have to let me stitch it." She watched the walls go up behind his eyes at the thought of her suturing his back. "It's not my first time, don't worry. I've sewed up plenty of people." She said with a slight smile, trying to be reassuring.

 

He looked at her for a moment, opening his mouth to respond, but then slowly closed it. With a quick nod, he began chewing at his lip and moved up the stairs presumably to his room.

 

Lizzie, a little confused at his reaction, moved to grab the large medical kit off the kitchen counter and followed him up the stairs; stopping at the hall closet to grab two fluffy towels and a washcloth. She stepped into the upstairs bathroom for a moment and filled a small cup with warm water, placing the washcloth in it.

 

She entered Reddington's room to find him facing the door, head in his hands, shirtless and barefoot and waiting.

 

_For what was to come._

 

She set down the two towels and cup on the sturdy trunk at the foot of the bed and set the kit next to his hunched form. In the dark, she couldn't see any of his back, but admired the lean muscle of his arms and chest, dusted with fine golden hairs. She admired the thought of pushing her hands through it. How soft would it be? Brushing her wondering aside she questioningly asked:

 

"Red?"

 

He looked at her quickly, and she saw in his eyes surprise and something she rarely saw there- fear. With soft pleading eyes, she inquired: "Could you turn so I can see? I need to treat and dress your wound."

 

Looking at her for a moment with his ashen face, he gave her a small pained grin and took her hand in his. Confused and stunned, Elizabeth watched as he brought their entwined hands to his face and placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles.

 

"Of course." He quietly replied, voice seeming to hide thick emotion threatening to break his carefully crafted demeanor. He released what felt like his final breath and changed his position on the neat bedspread, closing his eyes at the gasp he heard behind him.

 

She was filled with shock and hurt-but not for herself. Her chest ached at the sight that was the scarred expanse of his back. Bullet wounds, slashes and stabs all knarled scar tissue staring back at her. Cigarette burns marked his shoulders, several forming the mock of a smiley-face that made her stomach churn. His lower back was coated in whipping lash marks, seeming to break up the burned expanse into puzzle pieces.

 

_Oh god the burns._

 

His back was leathered and bubbled, spreading out like a spiders web all over his back. Under his arms, up and around his shoulders, disappearing under his waistband. _He was there? He-_

 

"You saved me." She said, voice full and heady. She saw him give a slight nod, deeply sighing and saying:

 

"Yes Lizzie. I did I-I was there. Your your father was injured so I held you in my arms as we all ran out, but a beam fell on us. You tumbled away safely, but your father and I were pinned under. He was dead the moment it fell, and I would've been too if it weren't, if you hadn't," he shuddered and sniffed, regaining control of himself, "You tugged at my arm, pulled and pushed at the beam, and as I saw your hand burn I found the strength to get out from under it. You wouldn't have left."

 

She stood stock-still, aware that she had not yet breathed during his long tale. As she sucked in a shuddering breath, he put his head back in his hands ashamedly. He spoke into his palms:

 

"I should have told you before, but it would put you in so much danger. If the FBI found out about it, you'd be sidelined for presumably the rest of your career. If that information got out, you-" he paused to bring a hand over his weary face, voice now clear.

 

"You would be used against me. I couldn't, that's why and I am so sorry. Lizzie you have every right to hate me, to walk awa-" his voice faltered, as she felt her place a gentle kiss on his uninjured shoulder.

 

His eyes fluttered shut, and she continued to place kissed on all of the scarred tissue she could easily reach, paying close attention to the strong gashes and lines while avoiding his most recent wound. She pressed her thanks to his marks of a savior, his evidence of pain. As she made her way to the top of his shoulder, she breathed out on his neck:

 

"Never."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll still call your phone   
> to hear your voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonderfully smutty chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> TW for more gore and stuff.
> 
> Unbeta'd, so my apologies for any mistakes.

She pulled away and dipped her hand into the cup, wringing out the warm, damp cloth. Observing the large slash along Reddington's back, she wiped around it gently, pausing momentarily at his hiss of pain.

 

She rose from the bed for a moment to pour two fingers of scotch into a tumbler on the dresser across the room. She returned to his curious gaze and toed of her shoes while handing him the drink, returning to her position on the bed behind him. She waited until he had drained about half of the amber liquid before resuming her wiping.

 

Once his skin was wiped clean, she dried off the surrounding area with one of the towels, prompting him to sit on the other. She then took some spray-antiseptic and warned him:

 

"This is probably gonna hurt like a bitch." Chuckling at her phrasing, he straightened his spine a bit and squared his shoulders, ready for her assault of his wound. With a few sprays and many red-stained Q-tips later, she was satisfied he would not get an infection from whatever was on that creeps blade.

 

"Now for the fun part." She told him, voice too-cheery in her sarcasm. He groaned as she readied the suture pack, watching him finish the rest of his glass with a stiff wrist.

 

After disinfecting her hands, she began her work, trying her best to ignore his grunts of pain. Making quick, clean work of his stitches, she applied a gob of ointment to the wound and applied the gauze bandage.

 

Packing the kit back up she set all her equipment on the trunk. Looking at his now dressed wound, she wormed her arms under his and wrapped them around his middle, holding his stomach tightly and pushing her cheek into his back right next to his bandage. After giving it a feather-light kiss, they relaxed into each other and sighed as one.

 

"Good as new." She whispered into his skin, feeling the rumble of his chest underneath her as he gave a small chuckle. He finally turned around at that, her hands falling to rest on the duvet as he faced her.

 

"Thank you Lizzie." He said, taking her hand into his and squeezing it, meeting her eyes with a gaze that told her he meant more than just for patching him up. He slowly stroked the scar on her wrist and she glanced at it with a shy smile, looking back to see his eyes trained on her mouth.

 

Pushing down everything that had been holding her back for so long, she leaned forward and kissed him.

 

_And oh, what a kiss it was._

 

She felt him stiffen but continued her gentle pressure, finally humming in content when he began to reciprocate. She felt him reach up and cup the curve of her jaw, pulling her closer to him as she deepened the kiss. Teasing the entrance of his mouth, she heard him give slight groan as she licked into him.

 

Exploring each other's tongues, Lizzie fit her right hand into his left and gently lifted it above his head. In a swift motion, she was above him, his wrist pinned above and his eyes staring at her smirking gaze, pupils blown wide. She straddled him as she licked and sucked on the line of his jaw, running her free hand gently down his side and resting on the line of his pants. Careful not to put too much pressure on his newly stitched shoulder, she teased the skin just under his waistband and began to grind down on his length.

 

What had previously been raspy gasps turned into soft grunts and rumbling moans, and Lizzie watched as Red's eyes squeezed shut at the sensations. Leaving his hand raised where it lay, she trailed her blunt nails down his arm and through his soft golden chest hair. Rubbing her thumb firmly into the v of his hip, Lizzie leaned forward and teased his nipple with her mouth, the wet heat causing him to choke on his pleasure. After marking up his chest to her own liking, Lizzie shifted lower on the bed and placed a gentle hand on his belt-buckle.

 

"Raymond," she asked, voice thick with want. She watched him grain control of his breathing and open his own pleasure filled gaze. They locked eyes and she could feel the wetness in between her legs increase as he responded:

 

"Please." His voice sounded wrecked, and she grinned at herself and the man spread out before her.

 

While working on his belt she marveled at her work. She was the one reducing this all-powerful man, the concierge of crime, to pleading for her. She threw his belt down behind her and unbuttoned his pants, leaning forward to undo his fly with her teeth.

 

They made eye-contact as she dragged the metal down, his eyes widening as he watched her form. She made quick work of his pants, chucking them out of sight and taking in the one before her. His grey briefs were tented obscenely with a small wet spot on the fabric where she presumed he had been leaking pre-cum.

 

She mouthed at the bulge, setting the cotton materiel and teasing him with her soft mouth. He threw back his head and reveled in the feeling as she finally drew down his last layer of clothing, working it quickly off his toned legs. She nosed at the bristley hair at the base of his length, sucking at the skin there and listening to his soft cries. She licked a stripe up his cock, pausing to lick at the pre-cum beading at the tip before sucking him down.

 

Her scalp stung wonderfully as he pulled at her hair, guiding her on her endeavor. He tasted musky and salty, yet sweet and delicious to her lust-soaked mind. She gripped the base with fervor as she bobbed on his length, feeling the slide of him in her tight mouth.

 

She opened up her throat and looked up at him, and their eyes met as he began fucking her mouth. He moaned at the sight before him, seeing Lizzie's beautiful pink mouth bringing him so close to orgasm. He wiped the hair out of her face and gave a few more thrusts before warning:

 

"Sweetheart, darling I'm, _I'm_ _gonna_ -" cut off as she gripped his hips and buried him in her throat and braced for his release. He came with a shout, feeling her suck every last drop out of him as he spasmed and moaned; a mess beneath her. She sucked on his oversensitive head as he shuddered with the aftershocks, and finally released him with an obscene pop.

 

He gripped her hips with great strength, pulling her mouth towards him with a strong hand on her neck. They both moaned at the feeling of his tongue probing her silky mouth, tasting himself in her depths. He ran his large hands over her firm ass through her jeans, finding the button and fly and pulling off the clothes quickly.

 

Lizzie leaned up and unclasped her bra through her cami, removing both in a hurry. Red took in the sight before him: Lizzie's perky breasts peaking at her firm pink nipples, her soft skin leading down to the creamy expanse of her legs, body only covered by her small lacy black panties.

 

He ran his calloused hands over her back, pulling her down and sucking one of her nipples into his mouth. She moaned as he sucked and teased her nub, worrying the skin between his teeth and grinning at her ship inhales. She moaned and writhed above him, bracing herself against the bed as to not put to much weight on his injured body. He licked and sucked on the expanse of her soft chest, marking her as his.

 

His hands had found their way to Lizzie's underwear and he hurriedly ripped them from her body, pulling her heat forward onto his face. Her knees straddled his shorn head as he dipped his tongue into her wetness, humming at the delicious moans he heard from above. He trailed his hands over her inner thighs and squished the round globes of her ass in his hands. He sucked on her clit as she dripped over his chin, screaming his name as she rode out her orgasm.

 

She flooded his mouth with her juices and Red made sure to lick her clean, patting her ass when he was finished. She rolled to his side and slid the blanket over them both, curling over him like a cat.

 

She pressed a kiss to his chest and placed her ear over his heart, and drifted to sleep to the sounds of his life. He lay there for a few moments, just watching her blissed out and contentedly snoozing with him as her pillow. He softly brushed her hair out of her face and held her to him as he slowly fell to unconsciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I learned a lot about death before I grew up.   
> I watched you begin to fade when I was 18.   
> I told myself that I would be okay,  
> and you told yourself your biggest fear was waking up each day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty, smutty, fluffy final chapter. Thank you everyone who's been reading this. This will be part of a series, I am currently writing the sequel. Enjoy!
> 
> Unbeta'd, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

She awoke to muttering and a strong grip on her bicep, looking up in the darkness to see Red's eyes closed tightly in pain.

 

"No, no no no," he whispered, the grip on her arm growing stronger. "No, Lizzie run. Lizzie get OUT," he bellowed.

 

"Red, Red honey I'm right here. I'm right here it's just a nightmare please," she pleaded, pulling on his hand gripping her arm like a vice. His eyes remained shut as tears streamed out of them, and he seemed to be struggling against something. He whimpered, and with tears springing to her own eyes Lizzie placed a gentle, chaste kiss to his frown.

 

His eyes flew open, and he gripped her shoulders as he sat them up. Holding her there, he looked at her with fear and confusion mixed with the tears in his eyes, she watched the fog fade from his gaze as he took her in.

 

He chewed on his cheek and she took him gently but firmly into her arms, hearing him breathe in the scent from her neck where his face was buried. She felt his tears wet her shoulder, his shaking hands grip her back like a lifeline, and his shuddering breaths racked with sobs as she held him to her.

 

She kissed his shoulder and lightly rubbed circles into his back, placing herself on his lap to scoot closer. After some time he leaned back and she took his grave face into her hands, wiping the tears trailed down his cheeks. They didn't need words, she just pressed her lips to his and spoke to his soul.

 

_I'm here. I'm okay._

 

He held her soft cheeks, stroking her soft skin like it was the most precious thing in his world; and it probably was. She watched him pick up her hand and kiss it, moving his thumb over where he placed his lips. He gripped her sides and dropped his head to her chest almost in prayer, thanking her.

 

She raised her gentle hand to the back of his neck, pushing at the tension in the muscles there. He relaxed into her and allowed her to lower them to their sides. They lay together, curled on the bed now under a fluffy blanket. He was finally soothed by the sound of her breaths, even and _alive_.

 

* * *

 

 

Elizabeth expected to awaken alone, to Red working in the front room or out on a supply run; but was surprised to awaken to his leg hitched over her hip, his burly arms holding her to his warm chest.

 

She looked at his face and smiled, seeing his normally stony expression so relaxed. She stared for a long time, taking in the sharp curve of his nose and the tan skin of his neck. She liked his ears, she decided. They were perfectly sized.

 

"I do believe if you take a picture it'll last longer Lizzie." Red quietly rumbled with a smirk, eyes still shut.

 

She rolled her eyes, opting to place a tiny kiss to the tip of his nose. She slowly slid her legs to straddling him, arms on either side of him bracing her weight. She touched little kisses all over the planes of his face before leaning back, watching as he slowly opened his eyes with a small smirk.

 

She saw his eyes roam over her, taking in her naked, glowing form; her full breasts pushed against his chest and her strong shoulders holding her weight. She let out a small yelp and in an instant found herself on her back with her arms pinned above her, his mouth sucking bruises into her soft neck as he swelled against her hip.

 

"Lizzie, you...are decadent." He rasped into her ear, pausing to hum and press a kiss just under her jaw.

 

"Your shoulder seems to be feeling better." She said smirking and gave a small chuckle.

 

"Oh indeed sweetheart." He followed, grinding into her for emphasis. She ground up against him at the sensation, her wrists struggling against his hold. She wanted to hold him, to dig her nails into his shoulders as he moaned for her. 

 

_What a sight._

 

He moaned above her and bit down on her shoulder at the feeling, cupping her ass and pulled her up, lining himself with her dripping heat. He paused, asking her permission without words, and threw his head back with a beautifully high-pitched moan as she pushed up against him.

 

She was tight, her walls fluttering around his large girth as she speared herself on him again and again, meeting his messy thrusts. He ran his lips over her delicate neck, moaning into the mess of her hair. He felt her rake her nails down his lower back, deliberately avoiding his gauze dressing, and he secretly hoped she'd leave marks of her pleasure. He pushed bruises into her hips and held her as he pistoned himself inside her.

 

She tossed her head back and forth and practically squealed in pleasure, breaking off into a deep breathy moan as his warm fingers found her clit. He rubbed her in strong circles with one hand while the other held him above her enough to suck and bite on her peaked nipple.

 

"Come for me sweet girl, come for me." He breathed into her chest, grinning as he watched her let herself go. The strong spasming of her wetness pulled him over the edge, and he buried his head in her neck as he spilled inside her, crooning her name all along. As they lay spent and catching their breath, Lizzie put a hand on his shoulder and pushed them both onto their sides.

 

She reached up to cup his jaw, and looked into his eyes full of emotion as she confessed:

 

"I love you Raymond."

 

He felt the breath whoosh out of his lungs and his heart beat out of his chest, and he reached up fervently and gripped her jaw as he placed strong kisses against her mouth.

 

"Gosh Lizzie," he whispered into her mouth, "I love you more than the moon," he said, kissing her in between words for emphasis, "and the sun- and the stars above."

 

He pulled away to brush her hair out of her face, placing a kiss on each of her cheeks, her nose, and closed his eyes to rest his forehead against hers.

 

 _You are my north star_ , she traced into his chest with her index finger, and opened her eyes to find him staring at her- the center of his universe.

 

He sat up and took her hand, pulling her towards the edge of the bed and said with a soft smile:

 

"Come on sweetheart, there's a very expensive bottle of wine waiting for us in the main room. If there is ever something to learn from being stabbed, it'd be to always take a trophy."

**Author's Note:**

> Please give kudos and comment, it really helps!


End file.
